Glossary of Real Estate Terms

Spacious - Average
Charming - Small
Comfortable - Very small
Cozy - Very, very small
Low maintenance - No lawn
Within walking distance - Nowhere to park your car
City living - Next to a club, bar, or sex shop
Sophistocated living - Black walls, concrete floors, and no windows
Prestigious - Expensive
Exclusive - Expensive
Negotiable - Expensive
Old World charm - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning
Contemporary feeling - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning
Bright and sunny - Venetian blinds not included
Wide open floorplan - Previous owner removed supporting walls
Security system - Neighbors have dogs
Antique - Old as dirt; expect dry rot, damp cellars, and knob-and-tube wiring
Vintage - About 60 to 70 years old
Modern - About 30 to 40 years old
Contemporary - About 15 to 20 years old
Convenient - Next to the highway
Sprawling ranch - Inefficient floor plan
Natural setting - The deer eat everything
Secluded setting - Ever seen the movie “Deliverance?”
Executive neighborhood - Excessive taxes
Park-like setting - There is at least one tree on the block
Unaffected charm - Needs painting
Needs TLC - Major structural damage
Updated kitchen - Has both electricity and running water
Neutral décor - No nude murals, chartreuse carpet, or Elvis portraits, but probably has brown paneling
Move-in ready - Front door is missing
Starter home - Run down
Brilliant concept - Weird
Easily maintained - If you have two full-time gardeners and a live-in maid
For the gardening enthusiast - The yard is a jungle
Outbuildings on the property - No indoor plumbing
Well-situated - In full view of the neighbors
Lots of potential - Steer clear unless you are a masochist with a lot of money
One of a kind - Ugly as sin
Hurry! Won't last - About to collapse
And much, much more - Nothing else comes to mind